Yes I know it is scary

But when I blog I blog a lot and when I don't blog well you know what happens. It is like dating, when I get redt a shidduch there are ten other guys in the wings and after the first guy the rest disappear. I wonder if they work it that way or it just happens. Anyway, I am back to square one and you know what I am more annoyed about having to start over then that this dude doesn't see it working out with me as he decided to bow out gracefully. I am just so annoyed that once again there has to be the dreaded first phone call followed by the almost as dreaded first date. Followed by the first goodbye (which sometimes is the best part of the evening and sometimes the worst). Then the analyzing and the waiting and then usually the parting of ways. You know some times I wished I had friends who where guys, cause well then I could just adopt some of my dates as friends, cause although I would not marry any of them (hence why I am still single) or they would not marry me, I think some of them would have made great friends. Cause you see friends are easier and less exclusive then husbands (wow that was the biggest understatement I think I have ever made), so even if they can't see being in a real relationship with you (or you with them) hanging out and having fun would still be an option. But alas (or fortunately) that is not an option in my life (cause well I have seen it get messy one to many time with out having to go through it myself). You know this frustration is annoying it means I will have to fit the gym in to my schedule tom. and I really don't have time. There is nothing like a good elliptical run to work the kinks out of a bad mood (well it is either that or scrubbing my floor by hand-works every time). Yes I know I am an odd one, actually that reminds me. Last night my friend told me that she understands why after a first date guys either love me or dump me. She said and I quote "I can understand why they either want to dump you or marry you after meeting you." I was shocked by this because even though I have a pretty strong personality (which is kinda new but hey I love it), I am very toned down on dates. I go into very polite mode and I try to listen if the guy wants to talk or talk if the guy wants to listen. I laugh at jokes I don't find remotely funny and I try not to have to many deep intelligent conversations (still haven't run into a guy who is willing to discuss anything remotely intelligent on the first few dates). I used to think it was all about looks but you know what I don't think that is the main player all the time. I mean I looked really good the other night (and I don't say that usually) and you know what it really could have been that he just wasn't interested and who cares why it won't change things. Gosh I know there is a guy out there for me but well he is still direction phobic I guess. Or maybe it is me who is scared to stop at gas stations. Or maybe we are both no where we are going but we just haven't met in the middle yet. Anyways children that is enough wallowing, it is time to move on and figure out who next on my list I should or shouldn't date. My mother says I might just have to kiss a lot of frogs (this interesting coming from my mother who doesn't want me kissing anyone-yes I know it is a metaphor) before I find my prince. Maybe there is a set number of frogs I have to kiss before I get there. So on to the next. Note to self: erase the frog part of this entry before you show the blog to future prince. Don't want him thinking I lumped him with all the amphibians.