No one likes my personality

I don't know what it is, maybe guys don't like a girl with a personality. Maybe they just use the personality as an excuse. Maybe they don't. I am just so sick of two hour dates that end in a "I just don't see our personalities meshing". I mean get a little more creative. I really am starting to hate this whole game we call dating. I can't deal with it any more. I want to go chassidish and just meet some random guy for an hour and marry him. Marriage is hard there are always things you have to figure out, so we'll just spend the rest of our lives figuring it out.
Seriously, I had an awesome shabbos hanging out with my favorite boys. Which makes today not so bad. I mean really today wasn't so bad, the date wasn't bad. I just have come to realize that I am at a disadvantage. Whatever, I am done complaing. Hope life is going well for all of y'all. I will post about more happy stuff when I am out of this funky mood. Have a great day.
oh and one frog closer.yay.

Random thoughts and events

So this week has been a blur of activity. First my trip to Baltimore where I picked up a wonderful cold. Then a Monday night get together which was more fun then exciting. Followed by a few nights of incredible heat to the point where I stayed in and pretended to do anything but all the chores I had to do outside of my apartment. And then there was last night...wow what a crazy night. It began like the others with horrid heat and a botched attempt to do pilates (so much harder then I ever imagined). But did not end there no... Then around 10:30 when I was tired enough to collapse in to bed I had the worst first phone call I have ever had (well the first one during which I sounded the worst). I was tired and hot and sick and I am sure I sounded like a drunk lunatic. Anyway, after, while sharing my embarrassing tale with my father I noted a bug the size of Manhattan (ok maybe a toy car) flying around my ceiling. I have never yelled so loud in my life, nor been so scared of a little creepy crawly thing. Thank goodness my friend called when she heard my plight she rushed over (thank you again) and trapped and killed the oh so ugly dude. Yay. Then off to sleep (way too late for my liking) and then up early (just like every other morning) to work out. So today I am tired and have more errands to run then I can even imagine getting done. So what have I done since I got home from work? Nothing......I have laundry just begging to be washed and I can not find the energy to go walk to the Laundromat and do it. So instead I am writing to you....Have an awesome shabbos children, and stay cool. Note if this entry makes no sense don't worry it was not supposed to.

Sick

I have a really annoying cold, sorry guys can't write, my brain is mush.
Before I go I would just like to say EN I don't do interviews. If you want the full story you will have to read my memoirs (which won't be around for a few more years, sorry children).
Be back when I feel better.

Not to write

I will not write out of frustration. I will not write out of annoyance. I will not even write out of disappointment. I just won't write.

What am I looking for?

If you are trying to figure out why I dislike dating and think that asking me what I am looking for will help you are mistaken. I know tons of people who date in tons of ways and who are looking for very different things and you know what they all hate it. The shidduch system is not to blame, the secular system is not to blame. My pickiness or lack there of is not to blame. Dating is hard, Period.
That being said, here is my perfect (or not so perfect) guy in a nutshell:
He has to be a sincere, open minded, open hearted guy, with somewhat of a personality and somewhat of an intelligent mind. He must love Yiddishkiet and strive to grow in some way or another. He can't be one of those people who looks to bend halacha to fit his needs but tries to live the other way around. He does not need major money (but a job or job prospect would be nice), movie star good looks or the mind of a rocket scientist. He needs a sense of humor of some sort (though all guys think they are funny and most aren't). He needs to love children. He need not live in Ny or aspire to do so. It would be nice if he wanted to give E"Y a try.
Basically I want a guy who is more appreciative than cynical. More mature than adolescent (not just in years). More forgiving than fault finding. And more aspiring then settling.
That being said, I want a human, not and I know we are all far from perfection. I really just want someone compatible with me (cause good on paper is only good to till you meet), which is hard to explain to those of you who don't know me but obvious to those of you who do. Hope that helps, let me know, k?
Have a great night children.

Yes I know it is scary

But when I blog I blog a lot and when I don't blog well you know what happens. It is like dating, when I get redt a shidduch there are ten other guys in the wings and after the first guy the rest disappear. I wonder if they work it that way or it just happens. Anyway, I am back to square one and you know what I am more annoyed about having to start over then that this dude doesn't see it working out with me as he decided to bow out gracefully. I am just so annoyed that once again there has to be the dreaded first phone call followed by the almost as dreaded first date. Followed by the first goodbye (which sometimes is the best part of the evening and sometimes the worst). Then the analyzing and the waiting and then usually the parting of ways. You know some times I wished I had friends who where guys, cause well then I could just adopt some of my dates as friends, cause although I would not marry any of them (hence why I am still single) or they would not marry me, I think some of them would have made great friends. Cause you see friends are easier and less exclusive then husbands (wow that was the biggest understatement I think I have ever made), so even if they can't see being in a real relationship with you (or you with them) hanging out and having fun would still be an option. But alas (or fortunately) that is not an option in my life (cause well I have seen it get messy one to many time with out having to go through it myself). You know this frustration is annoying it means I will have to fit the gym in to my schedule tom. and I really don't have time. There is nothing like a good elliptical run to work the kinks out of a bad mood (well it is either that or scrubbing my floor by hand-works every time). Yes I know I am an odd one, actually that reminds me. Last night my friend told me that she understands why after a first date guys either love me or dump me. She said and I quote "I can understand why they either want to dump you or marry you after meeting you." I was shocked by this because even though I have a pretty strong personality (which is kinda new but hey I love it), I am very toned down on dates. I go into very polite mode and I try to listen if the guy wants to talk or talk if the guy wants to listen. I laugh at jokes I don't find remotely funny and I try not to have to many deep intelligent conversations (still haven't run into a guy who is willing to discuss anything remotely intelligent on the first few dates). I used to think it was all about looks but you know what I don't think that is the main player all the time. I mean I looked really good the other night (and I don't say that usually) and you know what it really could have been that he just wasn't interested and who cares why it won't change things. Gosh I know there is a guy out there for me but well he is still direction phobic I guess. Or maybe it is me who is scared to stop at gas stations. Or maybe we are both no where we are going but we just haven't met in the middle yet. Anyways children that is enough wallowing, it is time to move on and figure out who next on my list I should or shouldn't date. My mother says I might just have to kiss a lot of frogs (this interesting coming from my mother who doesn't want me kissing anyone-yes I know it is a metaphor) before I find my prince. Maybe there is a set number of frogs I have to kiss before I get there. So on to the next. Note to self: erase the frog part of this entry before you show the blog to future prince. Don't want him thinking I lumped him with all the amphibians.

Getting back into it

How did I not blog for so long? I miss it now that I started again. I need the outlet, heck I just need to hear my fingers hitting keys (after so many years of writing paper after paper I miss that sound). Work is kinda slow and boring. Life is much busier then I thought it would be since I quit my second job. Amazingly I find things to fill the hours. Warning now: this is going to be random- Still haven't heard back about the date so I am expecting to worst, that way I can only be pleasantly surprised. I am thinking of going to Baltimore next week so that I can stop in and say hi, and kiss and hug my nephews. Last night I hung out with my friend for hours and we marveled at how we can't remember what it was like to live at home anymore. I have been to the gym four mornings a week for three weeks now, and I think I am addicted. Amazingly I drag myself out of bed early in the morning and the hardest part of schedule is walking home after I work out. Anymore random thoughts....hmmm. not at the moment. More later.
Before I go we have to discuss my future a little (besides wanting to be a stay at home mom). I decided I want to help people in my career (that has been a given in all my avenues towards finding a career beyond the one I have now). The question is how, Special ed., social work, programming, psyc? my latest decision (part dreaming part hoping) is to get a PhD in psychology. How cool would it be to be a Dr. and have a job that helps people and might just pay off my student loans. Now it is only the whisper of a dream, I will let you know when I figure it out further.

Went with the basics

So I ended up wearing a black skirt but I don't think it had much impact on the date. As usual, my list is dwindling and soon I will prob. be back to normal, just a girl waiting for a normal guy to come her way. Still the date was nice (still don't know what he thought but either way it was a nice date). So much better then my last three which were painful. Life is moving on rather quickly and I still don't know what do to with my future. I am trying to figure it all out but for now it is still hazy. More on that as I figure it out. I wish I had more time to write but I have to go back to work. Be well children and thanks for the comments, keep em coming.

Needed: One Perfect White Skirt

Yes, I need a white skirt (and a black shirt, while we are at it, and well maybe some good accasories just for a good kick). But, I am too lazy to shop (or maybe it is tired). I have been gettting up early to workout in the morning (like 6:20ish) and I am still not used to the new sleep schedual I am putting myself on. On top of that I went to HASC for shabbos (and last shabbos-no I am not working there this year) and I did not sleep while there (at least not much). So basically, I am sooooooooo tired and neeeeeeeeeeeeed to go shopping, So I will shlep tonight and fall asleep on my date tommorrow. Yes, I Flairrah have a date. Amazing I know. But actually I have a list, you hear that I now know what guys feel like. And let me tell you I am begining to understand why they go mad quicker. Women get frustrated, while men go mad. This is why after marriage, women whine and men end up with mental breakdown, it all finds its roots in dating. Now I am living with the craziness of both worlds, and let me tell you it is a fun fun time. Ok, I am off to find the skirt or something else to wear on my date. Wish me luck. Have a good day children.

Ok, ok, I get the point.

Sorry people but I finally have a life. Ok not really just very limited online access. I was in camp for shabbos and it was awesome. I helped my campers counslers learn how to work with them. Actually I really just let them know that it was easier then they thought and showed them they could handle it all. Oh, I have so much to write about but I am at work and therefore can't get in to it all. I hope to update soon with all the crazy happenings that are prob. only crazy in my mind. But I can't promise when cause I have begun to work out early in the morning and therefore crash early in the evening leaving me with very little time for anything. But I won't complain cause I love my new schedual. Have a great day y'all and hang in there I will be back.
Feel better now?